The Imaginarium...and Crushes.

So I went and saw The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus last night. I barely have the words to describe the magnificence of it. It was beautifully made, the story wonderful and the cast brilliant.
I had my worries, I'll admit that. Because I wanted Heath's last movie to be most triumphant and I worried that it wouldn't...I mean Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell?! Add Christopher Plummer and Verne Troyer to that and you have a starstudded cast. But so many movies with casts like that have failed miserably.
I shouldn't have been worried. It was amazing. One of the greatest movies I have seen. Heath was brilliant, he sure went out with a bang. And I didn't see the ending coming or the way the characters turned out. Wauw. I think that sums it up; wauw. 

But the movie also made me want to cry. Because it was surreal to think that this was Heath Ledger's last work. Sure I can watch his movies over and over again but I'll never see anything new from him, ever. It's sad. And I know I didn't know the guy. He was just an actor. There's no such thing as just an actor. A really good one somehow manages to weasel themselves into your heart with their amazing performances. They portray these unforgettable characters so good that you'll never forget them. Or at least not the characters.

To me, Heath was one of them. Heath Ledger was my first movie crush, that I remember. Or well his character was; William from A Knight's Tale.
I was eleven and I saw the movie at school and thought; man that guy is cute. I remember daydreaming about my knight in shining armor. Of course the knight resembled Heath or William as I called him as in my head. Becasue that was before I cared or thought about who played who and what. The only thing that mattered was the character. I dreamt that he would come and take me away on his great white horse.
Soon though the knight on a beautiful white horse changed. His hair grew, darkened and was styled in a messy fashion. His armor suddenly dissapeared and instead he donned a leather jacket, ripped jeans and a pair of motorcycle boots. His brilliant white smile and charming ways turned into a vicious and sexy sneer/smirk but the charm was there still albeit hidden behind a veil of "I couldn't care less attitude". I grew up and fell out of my little crush on a Knight and walked right into Sid Vicious waiting arms. Or any bloke that resembled Sid in style and attitude. Punk rock echoed in my room and the white horse that was supposed to take me away? It was still there...only now it was a beautiful, most triumphant black motorcycle.

But even if that changed my interest in movies and acting didn't. And Heath still was...still is one of my favorite actors. I don't know for sure, does anyone?, if his death was an accident. But I refuse to believe anything else. Because I don't think he would do that...kill himself...(Just as I believe that Sid didn't kill Nancy) Tell me I'm in denial that I'm silly for actually crying when I found out he died. Do it and see if I give a damn. A hint; I don't.

Last night...watching the credits...no...that's a lie....watching Heath first appear on screen made me want to cry. As the credits rolled a small tear did slip. Because this was his last work. My old, first movie crush. One of my favorite actors. One talented man. No more. Surreal. Strange. As I type...trying to describe this feeling...I realize I can't. There's no words for it.

I always have been and probably always will be fascinated with movies. I've always loved watching them. And I'm the one that lives in the movie while it's playing (if it's good). I'm the one who feels for the characters no matter who portrays them. Afterwards I can talk and discuss about who portrayed who and what and how. But right when I watch it...all I see is the story, the characters...Simple as that.
You may think I'm crazy, don't worry so do I. But that's the way I feel...the way I think.

All in all The Imaginarium was brilliant. It opened up my eyes in way I can't describe. And it made me realize what a huge loss Heath Ledger truly was....is. That...and I'm sure as hell going to miss that guy. He is after all...my very first movie crush.

“I only do this because I'm having fun. The day I stop having fun, I'll just walk away.”

-Heath Ledger-

“I'm not good at future planning. I don't plan at all. 

I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I don't have a day planner and I don't have a diary. 

I completely live in the now, not in the past, not in the future.”

-Heath Ledger-