Somewhere Over The Rainbow...

Amanda.

One word. One Name. The name of my dog, whom are nolonger with us.

I still can't believe it. It's so new, fresh...unimaginable.

I'll miss you.♥

                               

Life is a Rollercoaster...

It has it's ups and downs. We all know this. Despite the awesome weather and the fact that my head really cleared up after the weekend, (I got totally wasted and tha cleansed the mind and soul slightly *wink*) today is a bad day.

It's a downer. I'm not sure why exactly but today, I'm not okay.

Hopefully tomorrow will be an upper...

I feel...

Chocked.

Sad.

I'm not even sure what I feel right now... But I do know one thing, I don't like it.

This is going to hurt a really long time...but hopefully it'll get better.

It could be alot worse...

Cancer.

Cancer.

Shit.

I'm amazed that a single word can puzzle and shock me so.

Frighten me, even...

One Word.

Curiosity killed the Cat.

Why are people so damn curious, or plain nosy about other people's lives?

Why is humankind these days so intent on knowing everything about everyone? Why are we so damn obsessed by celebrities? How come we read tabloids at all, why does that interest us?
 Is it some kind of strange or perhaps slightly morbid curiosity?


I know that curiosity is good, we learn by being curious. We ask questions and get answers. It's human to be curious. How else would we learn anything?

But where do we draw the line between plain, old-fashioned, healthy curiousity and ugly, annoying nosiness?


I'm a person who likes to keep my private life, just that private!
I don't like talking to everyone about everything that's going on in my life. That is for me, my boyfriend, my family and friends to know not anyone else. It's none of their bloody business.

That's why I can't stand it when people feel this strange need to know every single thing and just doesn't seem to understand when enough is enough.

I'm the queen of vague answers, so mostly I do great when I think people are being too nosy. But then there's the people who can't take a hint and doesn't understand when to stop talking.

This is why I've been in a bad mood all week it seems...
There was alot of nosiness involved and I finally, just snapped and blurted something out that I kinda didn't want to say at all. Now I feel like a really bad person, like I betrayed someone close to me's trust.
I don't want to hurt anyone, and I just feel like shit. Maybe for no reason at all but I still do.

Fuck. Now I need a cigarette...too bad I quit.

Death by Stereo.

I just opened my e-mail and guess what I found? The Lost Boys Group on Facebook had sent out a message.

Corey Haim was found dead this morning. He was only 38.

It's like Heath Ledger all over again. I can't believe it. I don't know what to say or feel. I'm actually crying. Damn.

RIP Corey, I'll sure as hell miss you man. And to quote Billy Joel; Only The Good Die Young.

Corey Haim December 23, 1971 – March 10, 2010

Karma?

Is there a thing like Karma? Well if there is, mine sucks.

This morning began like any other until I got in my car and started my journey to work. The sun was shining, the road glistering I was accelerating but slowed down when I saw two girls walking along the road. I pressed the break and KABAM, my car started to slide uncontrollably. It spun and all that went through my mind was; Please God don't let me hit those girls. And I don't even believe in God so that's saying something. I was in chock I guess because next think I know Eddie (my car) slammed into a railing and stopped. Somewhere in my mind I registered that the girls came running and opened my car door and asked if I was okay. I think I answered them. They asked if they should call someone but I distinktly remember telling them no and with shaky hands dialing my moms number. So after making my mom go into hysterics I called dad. He asked me where I was and I answered with multiple swearwords.
I'm okay. Eddie is not. He's going to have to visit the car doctor and I am now without a car. Damn it all to hell.
On the bright side, noone got hurt...well except Eddie. I now feel shocked, sad and eagerly waiting for some kind of news about my poor car. I miss him already.

Over and Out.

The Imaginarium...and Crushes.

So I went and saw The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus last night. I barely have the words to describe the magnificence of it. It was beautifully made, the story wonderful and the cast brilliant.
I had my worries, I'll admit that. Because I wanted Heath's last movie to be most triumphant and I worried that it wouldn't...I mean Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell?! Add Christopher Plummer and Verne Troyer to that and you have a starstudded cast. But so many movies with casts like that have failed miserably.
I shouldn't have been worried. It was amazing. One of the greatest movies I have seen. Heath was brilliant, he sure went out with a bang. And I didn't see the ending coming or the way the characters turned out. Wauw. I think that sums it up; wauw. 

But the movie also made me want to cry. Because it was surreal to think that this was Heath Ledger's last work. Sure I can watch his movies over and over again but I'll never see anything new from him, ever. It's sad. And I know I didn't know the guy. He was just an actor. There's no such thing as just an actor. A really good one somehow manages to weasel themselves into your heart with their amazing performances. They portray these unforgettable characters so good that you'll never forget them. Or at least not the characters.

To me, Heath was one of them. Heath Ledger was my first movie crush, that I remember. Or well his character was; William from A Knight's Tale.
I was eleven and I saw the movie at school and thought; man that guy is cute. I remember daydreaming about my knight in shining armor. Of course the knight resembled Heath or William as I called him as in my head. Becasue that was before I cared or thought about who played who and what. The only thing that mattered was the character. I dreamt that he would come and take me away on his great white horse.
Soon though the knight on a beautiful white horse changed. His hair grew, darkened and was styled in a messy fashion. His armor suddenly dissapeared and instead he donned a leather jacket, ripped jeans and a pair of motorcycle boots. His brilliant white smile and charming ways turned into a vicious and sexy sneer/smirk but the charm was there still albeit hidden behind a veil of "I couldn't care less attitude". I grew up and fell out of my little crush on a Knight and walked right into Sid Vicious waiting arms. Or any bloke that resembled Sid in style and attitude. Punk rock echoed in my room and the white horse that was supposed to take me away? It was still there...only now it was a beautiful, most triumphant black motorcycle.

But even if that changed my interest in movies and acting didn't. And Heath still was...still is one of my favorite actors. I don't know for sure, does anyone?, if his death was an accident. But I refuse to believe anything else. Because I don't think he would do that...kill himself...(Just as I believe that Sid didn't kill Nancy) Tell me I'm in denial that I'm silly for actually crying when I found out he died. Do it and see if I give a damn. A hint; I don't.

Last night...watching the credits...no...that's a lie....watching Heath first appear on screen made me want to cry. As the credits rolled a small tear did slip. Because this was his last work. My old, first movie crush. One of my favorite actors. One talented man. No more. Surreal. Strange. As I type...trying to describe this feeling...I realize I can't. There's no words for it.

I always have been and probably always will be fascinated with movies. I've always loved watching them. And I'm the one that lives in the movie while it's playing (if it's good). I'm the one who feels for the characters no matter who portrays them. Afterwards I can talk and discuss about who portrayed who and what and how. But right when I watch it...all I see is the story, the characters...Simple as that.
You may think I'm crazy, don't worry so do I. But that's the way I feel...the way I think.

All in all The Imaginarium was brilliant. It opened up my eyes in way I can't describe. And it made me realize what a huge loss Heath Ledger truly was....is. That...and I'm sure as hell going to miss that guy. He is after all...my very first movie crush.

“I only do this because I'm having fun. The day I stop having fun, I'll just walk away.”

-Heath Ledger-

“I'm not good at future planning. I don't plan at all. 

I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I don't have a day planner and I don't have a diary. 

I completely live in the now, not in the past, not in the future.”

-Heath Ledger-

No Way...

Cheerio!

So yesterday I was tricked went to the Gym. It was actually nice. Haen't entered something remotedly like a gm for I don't know...nearly a year? Yeah, I know. I am soo out of shape. But I've decied to get back in shape again. Oh, who am I kidding? That "promise" only lasts for about two weeks and then I'm back to my own slob(ish) self again. Sad but true. But I'm sincerely going to try to keep it up this time. Really.

And I'm actually going to be really unhealthy and eat some frenchfries today. Hehehe...see I told you!

Speaking of...nothing that is even close to the next topic it just popped into my head. Eh...weirdo?
My mom's got the flu. Bugger. And I can now feel some disgusting substance known as snot beginning to start a minor community up my nose. DAMN! I soo don't have time (or want) to get all sick(y) right now.

On another really sad note. This morning I met 3 ambulances and a policecar when I went to work. I just found out that I know two of the guys that were in a car accident. Probably know all four of them but haven't heard who the other two are yet. Suff like that sucks. It really does....

But now I gotta go make some foood.

Over and Out.

Dissapointment.

Your heart is pumping as you turn your eyes towards those little numbers in the right corner of your computer screen. They represent time. You watch as if in Slow Motion the 59 turns to 00. You feel the grin slip onto your face as you change your msn status to; "Not at the Computer". You can feelt the excitement building up from your toes to your ears...You rise. Slowly with a giddy smile and a skip in you step you walk towards the boob tube...

One of your favorite shows are about to start. You sit down, ready for awesomeness. You know this is going to be Legend-wait for it-dary as you reach for the remote.

You press the "3" and watch as the screen changes channel. The grin widens as you scan the info-tab at the bottom of your TV screen.

But wait!

Your smile starts to fade as you re-read the words on the info-tab. The tab dissapears and you frantically push the "info" button on the remote. Your eyes must have decieved you, they must have! The blue tab reappear and your worried and slightly scary smile slips into a frown.

Where the word "Life" should have been there is another TV show instead. You feel your frown slip into a dissapointed and confused pout as you try to figure out what just happened...

Your brain decides to join you again and tells you that last week was the Season Finale of your show. It had slipped your mind.

Dissapointment clouds your mind and soon turns into anger...directed at yourself. For building up the excitement only to be brutally brought down to earth by the cruel reality. Your memory-span is simply too short and TV shows change their airing times at the same rate as R-Pattz and K-Stew's relationship status...Frequently.

Reality Sucks Sometimes.

Over and Out.

King of Pop...wow.

Wow. Where did this heat come from? damn. It's sooo hot. I know I shouldn't complain, but you're never happy...right?

Michael Jackson is dead. I know this is sort of old news already but...I just can't wrap my head around it. The King of Pop no longer with us? I know I know...the whole plastic surgery, pedofile accusions and all the other strange rumors and things that went on with him were...well strange. But what about the music? The thing that is actually essential. At least to me.

When I was about...9? Michael Jackson was my Idol. I adored his music and I though his dance moves were so cool! Back then I didn't care or understand anything but that I thought the music sounded good. And that is what you should care about...right? So RIP Michael Jackson. A true legend. I for one will always remember his music. Legend...wait for it...dary.

Tuesday without an x...

Cheerio(s)!

So I decided that the annual "Outside Day" at school was not going to make my list of events I want to (have to) attend. And decided to come to work instead. When it comes down to earning some money and walking around the Golf-Course in Pargas doing different pointless stations (Throw balls into buckets, Try to walk on stilts and fail miserably...) the Earning Money part wins off-handedly. What a Surprise...(Do note the Heavy sarcasm).

So I now have only this week left of school...wow. Where did those three years run off too? It (sadly) feels like yesterday (Gawd how cliche) that I entered that very school for the first time, all by my lonesome self, not knowing anyone and not really knowing what to expect...And now I am about to spend my final day...hours...minutes...there. And leave that part behind. *Tear*.
Oh well...

Just as I expected this day has been (is going to be) rather slow...so I'll just stand here day-dreaming about the Lost Boys...again...But enough of that...

Over and Out.

Fuck…

Have you ever had this feeling of complete failure?

That’s pretty much how I felt today. I didn’t pass my stupid exams. And then I did something that I haven’t done in a very long time. I cried. I actually cried, and this time it had nothing to do with a sad movie.
I felt like everything went to shit. Everything I have worked for…So basically I still feel like shit. I’m sad, disappointed…and everything in-between. Yeah, there’s a possibility to re-do it. I won’t though…I don’t think I have neither the strength nor will to do that. I don’t care anymore. Besides it’s not like I wanna do this forever. I’m just keep on looking forward…and just don’t give a fuck. Just get over it. Suck it up and take like a man…or eeh…woman in my case. No more tears. No more whining. Just forget and suck it up.

On a happier note, Congrats to all my wonderful friends who did pass. Good for you. And no, that wasn’t sarcasm. I am actually happy for you guys…even if I’m not really in the mood to show it.

So…Over and Out.

Listening To: 4 Am Forever-Lost Prophets